Help in the wee hours!

You are dead asleep and suddenly wake, finding yourself in a cold sweat, dragging your mind from the foggy world of your slumber. “He’s crying again – it can’t be – I only fed him moments ago.” You glance at the clock – okay – time for a feed, it has actually been four hours since the last. You drag yourself out of bed, mentally begging for one more hour of sleep, never mind a full night’s sleep. A night nurse suddenly seems like the best idea you had since deciding to come off contraception! This month Meg Faure weighs up the pros and cons of night nurses and give tips on making it work for you. 

As a health care professional who sees moms with severe sleep deprivation as well as a mom of three myself, I am often faced with the concept of night nurses and wonder about the merits. Like any parenting decision, this is personal one, based on a number of factors:

• Whether you can afford this luxury
• Whether  you are parenting alone
• If you have twins or more
• The number of children in your home
• What your support system is like
• How well you are physically and mentally

The pro’s of night nurses
There are certain circumstances when night nurses are an excellent idea because the sleep deprivation you are suffering will hamper your ability to mother. An example of this is when you have multiple babies – twins or more. In this case, it is very hard to predict exactly when your babies will wake and it is even harder to get them exactly in sync at night. Usually you will find one baby sleeps better than the other and it may be easier to manage night feeds if help is at hand.
If you are suffering from severe postpartum depression or are unwell physically you may be instructed by your doctor that you may need a full night sleep and this will be best achieved by having help at night.
You may find yourself in the circumstance of having very little help day and night. If your husband is away at sea or is absent and your family are unable to assist, the pressure of managing a little one 24/7 may be too much. In this case once again you may benefit from the services of a night nurse.

The con’s of night nurses (are there any?)
Whether there are disadvantages to having a night nanny depends to a great degree on the person you hire! The negative to hiring help at night is that if this is the only time the night nurse sees your child, she may be inclined to encourage some interaction when she feeds, changes and burps him. The risk here is that your baby learns that night feeds involve interaction and so wakes or may even be woken to interact. So while you have the benefit of a full night’s sleep while the night nurse  is around, when she is no longer employed, you may well be left with a bigger problem of night waking.

Doing it right
Interview  your prospective night nurse very well and call her past references to establish her level of care and whether the babies were good sleepers after she left. Ask her questions such as:

• How many babies have you cared for before?
• What signal will you wait for before lifting my baby up at night?
• How do you feel about dream feeds or waking my baby for a feed?
• What times do you expect babies of this age to sleep?

Inform  your night nurse of the way you like it done

• Bedtime – calming bath and settled time
• The way and where you want your baby to fall asleep – ie in her arms or in the crib, etc
• Help her understand your baby’s signals and what it sounds like when he needs a feed versus an unsettled moment in his sleep
• What he uses to self soothe to sleep – Taglet or teddy

Finally, once you have made the decision, trust her and relax, but if at any point it simply doesn’t ‘feel right’ thank her for her services and let her go. Hopefully you will have a period of sleep at night as well as a baby who sleeps well afterwards.